Tuesday, 21 March 2017

Better late than never

Years ago I used to go to a well known fat club.  One particular day after another disastrous week and yet another gain I broke into tears.  Yeah yeah I hear you.  I was one of "those" people. The ones who sob because they ate a giant kebab and chips with extra garlic sauce the day before weigh in and then freaked out because they'd gained half a pound.

Except I wasn't.  I had my ups and downs but generally didn't put too much pressure on myself.  I had a great social life and if I gained weight that was ok because I'd enjoyed myself and would pull it back the next week. Ilost a great amount slowly and steadily. The reason I got so upset this particular time was because my consultant asked me to tell her what my reason for being there was.

For my child of course.  The child I didn't have.  The one I didn't know if would have.  The one I  desperately wanted.  The one I wanted to chase around the playground.  The one I wanted to jump up and down on the trampoline with. The one I wanted to take mountain biking.

Not long after that I was pregnant.  I actually continued going because I didn't want to gain too much weight and I wanted to be the fittest, healthiest parent I could be.

Fast forward 4 years and I'm the biggest I've ever been.  I've become complacent.  Lazy. Making excuses.

I now ache like a complete bitch after finally doing the exercise DVD I bought 3 years ago.  It's only 20 minutes but it killed me.

But it's a start.  Better late than never I will be a fit parent.

Thursday, 2 March 2017

Be true to yourself

Yesterday was no different to any other day. Yet to Oscar there was one thing which clearly stood out to him. As usual when I picked him up from nursery there was a gaggle of kids (I'm pretty sure that's the official collective noun) gathering around me, firing off 120 questions. There was no surprise from me when one little girl pointed at me and spouted the typical toddler question, "What's that?"

I checked myself wondering what it could be. My work pass dangling from my pocket? My birthmark on show? My hearing aids peeping from under my hair? My blue/ green (not quite so mermaid anymore) hair? Nope. Nothing so obvious to me.

As she pointed again towards my face I realised it was my nose ring. There was no judgment, no distaste,  just simple childhood innocent curiosity.

I never gave it another thought until this morning as I was getting ready for work.  Oscar was helping me and passing me things I needed.
Oscar: "Take that off Mummy."
Mummy: "Take what off?"
Oscar: "Earring Mummy"

As I removed my earrings...
Oscar: "No that one Mummy" and tapped his nose.
Mummy: "Why? Do you not like it?"
Oscar: "No Mummy"

Now I don't know how he really feels about it at all to be honest but I do know he's never expressed any interest in it before. Needless to say I didn't take it off.  It's important he realised that we are all individuals and we can wear what we want, how we want to.

I have a whole rainbow of hair colours as we go through the year, my wardrobe is less than fashionable and I have a nose ring.  I'm not outrageous by any means but I am individual. I don't care what society says or expects of me I will always be true to myself.

Oscar's World Book Day costume was not my best effort but it was the best I could manage today.  As a last ditch effort I used my best black mascara and drew in a Batman mask on his face. He was immediately happy even though it was patchy and uneven.  He was happy and that's all that mattered. Lots of other kids had shop bought costumes.  I didn't see a single home made outfit.  Oscar had a minor panic and wanted me to take his mask off but there was no time.  When I picked him up tonight I asked if he had a good time.  He beamed from ear to ear.  I asked if any other kids had a Batman mask like his.  Nope. "Was that OK?", "Of course Mummy!" And off he whooshed with his smudged face and his cape flying high. My beautiful boy doing it his way in his own unique style.