Tuesday, 3 January 2017

Evacuate the pool - we have a floater!

'They' don't tell you about the awkward 'shituations' you find yourself in when your toddler is just getting used to using the toilet.

In one single day I found myself:
  • scurrying out of a public swimming pool while attempting with my bare hand to stop the poo escaping from his arse (failed)
  • 3 times at a kids party taking said poo bum toddler to the toilet to clean his shitty pants.
  • Realising I'd forgotten the sodding wipes and the bag for the shitty stinking underwear which I hastily shoved in my handbag (thank heavens for compartments although I'm sure everyone who came near me must have thought I'd shit myself)
  • Pointed at my Poohead toddler standing in the middle of the party straining with such concentration to push his poo out and shouted "yep he's mine".
  • Later watching him waddling along and telling another parent he was practising his John Wayne impression.  We were at a fancy dress party after all (shame he was dressed as an elf).
  • Doing the smiling through gritted teeth that every parent does when trying to be stern with toddler and not draw attention to self.  "If you keep pooing yourself Darling you're going back in nappies" Cue wails and cries of "Nooooo not nappies mummy.  My Big Boy!" Attempt to not draw attention failed....
Toileting guidance really needs some improvement.


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