Wednesday, 18 December 2013

Body Image

Never before have I had such a contradiction in terms of my self body image.  I've never had much in the way of body confidence, and being pregnant and all the changes that brings has been somewhat difficult to get used to.

I'm fat.

I''m pregnant.

I'm fat.

I'm pregnant.

It's not helped by people I meet having an opinion on my size.  I can't tell you the amount of times I've had people tell me how small I seem, joking that maybe I'm not even pregnant; and then others who say how big I am and joke there must be more than one in there.

I laugh it off, and just focus on how I feel and what is happening to me.  This is my body, my pregnancy, and it would be stupid to try and compare myself against others experiences.  Every woman's pregnancy and body changes are different, they're unique.  They're hers.

I'm fat.

I'm pregnant.

I'm fat.

I'm pregnant.

It's weird how my perception changes depending on what view I'm seeing myself, and what wrigglebum is doing to me at the time.

I'm fat.  As I spend most of my day sat at my desk, or wandering the corridors of office life I only get to see my body looking down.  I no longer have feet.  I have a set of larger than ever boobs in an unflattering bra, and a bloated belly.

I'm pregnant.  Occasionally during the day I get to pass a window and catch a glimpse of myself in reflection and it never fails to bring a smile to my face.  I'm pregnant.  From that view I can see the clear outline of  a baby bulge.  It's not bloated, it's not fat, it's a wonder.  It actually makes me feel good, happy, content, and weirdly I feel kinda sexy!

I'm fat.  As I relax at home, and lay on the sofa, I look down and see my stomach.  It's all I see, and I regret eating that packet of Galaxy Counters the other night.  I'm so fat.  

I'm pregnant.  Then I feel wrigglebum on the move.  It squirms, it stretches, it pushes and lets me know it's there, it's growing, and it's a baby.  I'm pregnant.  I'm so pregnant.

So, the long and short of it, for the first time in my life I actually wish I owned a full length mirror.  One that I could carry with me all day, so that in those moments where I can't see my feet, I can look and see my baby.

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