Monday, 30 December 2013

My lovely friend Vicky published a post on her blog today which got me thinking,  no, it didn't get me thinking, it got me motivated.

I've been thinking for a long time now, and taking action, then stopping, then starting, then stopping, then... well you get the picture.

In a little under 12 weeks I'm hoping to have a mini me, of course it may be a little longer, but still, that's no time at all!  Mini me needs a room of their own to relax, and a house which is functional, and can hold everything they need.

The house we're in is far from ideal for this, but until we can get it on the market and sold, we have to make do.

I've just spent the last hour moving items out of the room which is to be the nursery, and generally making the rest of the house an even bigger mess.  In order to rectify the even bigger mess I have to crack on with putting stuff in the cupboard under the stairs, and in the loft.  Bit difficult when the cupboard under the stairs is currently blocked by a pile of presents (with no allocated home), and a Christmas tree.  That's my next job.... but first a cup of tea, and late lunch I think!

Still the sooner it's all done I can turn this:

into this (or similar):

Saturday, 28 December 2013

The parenting process

I spent the evening yesterday with family, including my brother, his partner and their two gorgeous boys. I only tend to see them every few months and I'm always blown away by how much the boys have changed and learnt in such a short space of time.

They're super cute, intelligent, funny and charming as hell. Of course, being an Aunty and not seeing them as often as I would like may mean that I only get to see the good stuff and that I am a little biased. 

However, as a mum-to-be, I'm already starting to think about how my own child is going to turn out and how others will perceive not only my child, but mine and D's parenting skills.

Children don't come with an instruction book, and yes you can buy all sorts of parenting guides but your child is unique and the parents are the ones who know the child and what works best for them.

It's a challenge for sure and I can imagine how easy it would be to see only the things that you perceive you've failed on and occasionally forget just how much you and your child have achieved.  It's a learning curve and there will be mistakes along the way, but if you accept this and learn from them, there is no failure.

My brother and partner have so much to be proud of with their boys and I can't wait spend more time with them all again today before they head back home.

Saturday, 21 December 2013

Dark and gloomy

This morning my mood is matching the weather.  It's dark and gloomy,  and a bit damp.

It's the time of year where social activities are everywhere and for the first year in my life I'm being a bit of a hermit.  It's not that I don't want to do anything but I don't want to be the sober companion to all the drunkards.

It's not the alcohol I'm missing, it's that happy, social, festive atmosphere. The affection and care everyone shows each other. Sitting home on your own drinking tea just doesn't cut it. Nor does waking up on your own knowing your other half will return at some point in the day hungover and no good to anyone for another 24 hours.

It's a bit dark in here.  Time for a new light bulb. The weekend is ahead of me and I have lots to do.  *flicks the switch*

Wednesday, 18 December 2013

Body Image

Never before have I had such a contradiction in terms of my self body image.  I've never had much in the way of body confidence, and being pregnant and all the changes that brings has been somewhat difficult to get used to.

I'm fat.

I''m pregnant.

I'm fat.

I'm pregnant.

It's not helped by people I meet having an opinion on my size.  I can't tell you the amount of times I've had people tell me how small I seem, joking that maybe I'm not even pregnant; and then others who say how big I am and joke there must be more than one in there.

I laugh it off, and just focus on how I feel and what is happening to me.  This is my body, my pregnancy, and it would be stupid to try and compare myself against others experiences.  Every woman's pregnancy and body changes are different, they're unique.  They're hers.

I'm fat.

I'm pregnant.

I'm fat.

I'm pregnant.

It's weird how my perception changes depending on what view I'm seeing myself, and what wrigglebum is doing to me at the time.

I'm fat.  As I spend most of my day sat at my desk, or wandering the corridors of office life I only get to see my body looking down.  I no longer have feet.  I have a set of larger than ever boobs in an unflattering bra, and a bloated belly.

I'm pregnant.  Occasionally during the day I get to pass a window and catch a glimpse of myself in reflection and it never fails to bring a smile to my face.  I'm pregnant.  From that view I can see the clear outline of  a baby bulge.  It's not bloated, it's not fat, it's a wonder.  It actually makes me feel good, happy, content, and weirdly I feel kinda sexy!

I'm fat.  As I relax at home, and lay on the sofa, I look down and see my stomach.  It's all I see, and I regret eating that packet of Galaxy Counters the other night.  I'm so fat.  

I'm pregnant.  Then I feel wrigglebum on the move.  It squirms, it stretches, it pushes and lets me know it's there, it's growing, and it's a baby.  I'm pregnant.  I'm so pregnant.

So, the long and short of it, for the first time in my life I actually wish I owned a full length mirror.  One that I could carry with me all day, so that in those moments where I can't see my feet, I can look and see my baby.

Saturday, 7 December 2013

Observing the changes

D and I had a mission on our hands today.  To find a suitable coat to see me through this winter and cater for my ever increasing girth!

I'm only a short little thing, fondly referred to as a Hobbit by D (no, I don't have hairy feet), and find it hard to find clothes to fit at the best of times.

I spent the best part of today desperately trying on various coats in various stores which all made me look varying degrees of ridiculous.

Finally in Tesco, we spotted a coat, just as I'd given up, in a size that I knew would accommodate wrigglebum.  It shocked me today that I'd had to buy a size 18.  Of course if I'd bought a proper maternity coat I could have got away with a much smaller size, but maternity clothing is so expensive in comparison, and I only need it to see me through the one winter.  So my normal size 12/14 has been forgotten, and my belly requires an 18.  At least it's comfortable gives me room to grow, and more importantly will keep me warm!

In other exciting news, well exciting to me at least, wrigglebums movements have been much stronger today to the point that I can sit and watch my belly moving.  Freaky, but fabulous!

And just for that I'm celebrating and treating myself to a little festive mulled wine tonight.. stop panicking  it's alcohol free!