Monday, 13 February 2017

Self care

Sometimes I find myself thinking I really need to take better care of myself. In every sense, physically, mentally and emotionally.

We each have different standards - different levels of what we consider to be awful, ok, good, and fucking awesome.

When I think back to pre-baby I was far better at that self care. I was slimmer, fitter, healthier, enjoyed going out, made time for my hobbies, my relationship, friends and family, and really took pride in my appearance. Each of these things contributed to me being happy as a whole.

Now? It's a good day if I actually apply some mascara before I go to work. It's a good day if I make it to 10pm without poking someone in the eye (only in my mind!)

In part it's because I am no longer my priority, my son is of course. But mostly if I'm truthful it’s because I've became lazy and complacent.

Today I resolve to make a change. I have already started with some little things. I have begun making time for my hobbies again and I've started taking better care and interest in my surroundings.

Next on the agenda is taking the time to care more about my appearance. That means eating better and doing more than just a swipe of moisturiser and mascara before I head out of the door.

What does your self care look like?

Wednesday, 8 February 2017

Time to "relax"

One thing I've come to realise is that I can never truly relax. Even when I'm granted time to myself it gets taken up with errands and jobs that I've been putting to one side because I can't do them with a toddler clinging to me. Days off are full of things I need to get done and the pressure of completing them before it's time to pick the toddler up.

Even then life has a wonderful way of getting in the way of plans. Take this week for example.  I booked this week off work to do decorating Monday and Tuesday, declutter the house Wednesday, have estate agents over for photos on Thursday morning and then finally get a couple of days to relax.

So far it looks a bit like this:
Saturday - dropped the toddler off at his Nanny's and reminded ourselves what it was like to not have a child. Totally failed at avoiding talking about our son!

Sunday -despite enjoying the adult only time I was glad to get my toddler home. Quick bit of car shopping before picking him up. Huge eczema breakout on my hands and weirdly my lips tingling...

Monday - OH decided it was too icy to ride his bike to work. Cue manic effort to get toddler ready for nursery and everyone dropped off. In the rush I forgot to look after myself. Dropped everyone off and went to buy supplies for the day of decorating. 20p short in change for parking...grrr... wrangling with registering for online pay to park and I was rescued by a lovely lady who donated £1.20 so I could park and stop a bit longer for a coffee. I gave her a promise to pay it forward. Then went and spent £45 on paint for a house I don't even want to keep. Didn't get a coffee..
After several hours painting and while half way up a ladder the estate agent called and said they were sending someone round on Tuesday to view the house... it's a freaking shit tip of course... lips still tingling...hands calmed down.

Tuesday - Initial plan for painting and decorating the hall and stairs on hold due to impending viewing.  I look like the freaking Joker... lip tingle has spread up both sides of my mouth and skin very sore. Can't go to docs as house is a mess and the viewing is at lunchtime. Viewing done and I get to sit on the sofa for a couple of hours watching crap TV, drinking tea, knitting and eating the toddlers sugar stash. Walk the dog.
Get the toddler home and I have dinner to do with a crabby tired toddler following me everywhere and whining.
Immense bedtime battle with the toddler who finally crashed to sleep at 9.30pm. I was in bed by 10pm.

Wednesday - yes I have a report so far already.  At some point during the night the toddler clambered into bed for boob. For some reason I was convinced it was practically morning so let him.  What feels like several hours of him feeding and being an ass he finally falls asleep next to me and then just as I'm nodding off he pees the bed. Ffs. 5.30am we're up for the day.
1 hour 30 minutes before I can phone the doc. I still have to get the toddler to nursery and he's currently lying naked on the sofa under a blanket half watching Fireman Sam. I suspect he's about to fall asleep.
Bottom lip feels scabby and skin sore... possible impetigo? Hope I get to docs today.

Really loving this relaxing week off (!)

Thursday, 12 January 2017

Like sponges

It's so easy to forget how much children take in.  I am reminded on pretty much a weekly basis though by nursery staff of the delightful (!) and amazing things my son has regaled them with.

For a while it's been his colourful language and swearing. Fucking hell and fucking bastard being two of his favourites.   Thanks Daddy! I suppose I should be grateful he hasn't dropped the c bomb yet.
Then we moved on to his proud exclamations as to the size of his poos. "It was THIS big!!"
Again, thanks Daddy...
But sometimes something your child says makes you proud of them and realise that actually his loud and colourful language can have a positive effect.
One of his little friends proudly told her mummy  during toilet training that she was just like Oscar! Hopefully she wasn't trying to pee standing up or remarking on the size of her poos!
Not sure that today's report of him attempting to perform a cesarean section on another child with a plastic knife was so good though.... 😕 May have to stop watching programmes with surgeons around him for a while....

Thursday, 5 January 2017

Love them and they will grow

Picking my son up tonight I was regaled with his achievements of today. He was so proud and excited it was impossible not to be excited for him.

It got me thinking about how proud I am of him in a daily basis, even on the dark miserable days full of screaming and tantrums.  I make a point of telling him everyday that he is loved and I am proud of him. We celebrate his achievements no matter how small they might appear.  I talk to him about what he's been doing well and all the things he is going to go on and do.

I fill him up with a can do attitude and a desire to work hard. I know he's not even 3 yet but his determination and attitude makes me proud.

Yeah yeah I'm gushing. I'm his mum. I'm allowed!

Wednesday, 4 January 2017

Early to bed...

It's almost 8pm and I'm snuggled up in bed,  just about ready to doze off. 8pm you say! Why you ask?

Cos my toddler is a freaking asshat! Well he's a toddler you know.  I love him with all my soul but at the minute really is an asshat.

For nearly 3 years I have struggled with sleep deprivation.  He teases me with brief spells of only waking once or twice a night and with a quick boob he's back of to sleep in 10/15 minutes.

And then there's nights like last night.  Never have I stared so intently at the cobwebs on the ceiling to ignore the fact that over an hour has passed since he started crying for me and demanding to go downstairs and watch Bob Builder.  Not at sodding 1am sunshine. Or 2 or 3 either for that matter matey.  At 5am he was physically pulling me outility of bed and I knew there was no sleeping anymore.

I think I managed to grab total of 3 hours broken sleep and then had to go to work.

So unsurprisingly we were both tired tonight and despite his protestations  for just one more mickey he was asleep by 7 tonight.  Well isn't that normal? Yes for most toddlers!

I quickly poured a large gin, ran a super hot bath, picked up a book without pictures and stayed in that bath until my skin was wrinkly and the shade of a beetroot.

I kissed my OH goodnight and now it's time to get an hour or two sleep. For who knows what the asshat has in store for me tonight!

Tuesday, 3 January 2017

Evacuate the pool - we have a floater!

'They' don't tell you about the awkward 'shituations' you find yourself in when your toddler is just getting used to using the toilet.

In one single day I found myself:
  • scurrying out of a public swimming pool while attempting with my bare hand to stop the poo escaping from his arse (failed)
  • 3 times at a kids party taking said poo bum toddler to the toilet to clean his shitty pants.
  • Realising I'd forgotten the sodding wipes and the bag for the shitty stinking underwear which I hastily shoved in my handbag (thank heavens for compartments although I'm sure everyone who came near me must have thought I'd shit myself)
  • Pointed at my Poohead toddler standing in the middle of the party straining with such concentration to push his poo out and shouted "yep he's mine".
  • Later watching him waddling along and telling another parent he was practising his John Wayne impression.  We were at a fancy dress party after all (shame he was dressed as an elf).
  • Doing the smiling through gritted teeth that every parent does when trying to be stern with toddler and not draw attention to self.  "If you keep pooing yourself Darling you're going back in nappies" Cue wails and cries of "Nooooo not nappies mummy.  My Big Boy!" Attempt to not draw attention failed....
Toileting guidance really needs some improvement.

Sunday, 1 January 2017

I can see a rainbow

I've been doing a lot of pondering lately about how little say we have about a lot of things in our lives.  We can't control the health and happiness of others. We can't control their actions. But we can control how we choose to live our lives and what positive influences we can make.

In trying to find something which expresses how I feel about life right now I stumbled across this.

Life’s like a movie, write your own ending
Keep believing, keep pretending
We’ve done just what we set out to do.
Thanks to the lovers, the dreamers, and you.
“The Magic Store”/Rainbow Connection” (Reprise) – Kermit and the Muppets
The Muppets are making their little movie, all planned out, but then in typical muppet fashion chaos strikes. Despite everything a rainbow appears.  While life has a habit of creating unwanted chaos, throwing a spanner or two in the works; sometimes we need that to re-focus on what our priorities are. 
2017 brings a new chapter for my little family. Some key players are no longer here to play their part but their influence will be forever felt.  Even on the hardest days I know I'm going to be able to find my rainbows.
I can see my little family splashing in the puddles and know that my dad and my friend Tom couldn't be prouder; and those still with us.... well you'd best get your wellies on and come jump in those puddles with us.